We recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances. Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. We will always aim to give you accurate information at the date of publication - however, information does change, so it’s important you do your own research, double-check and make the decision that is right for your family. We try our very best, but cannot guarantee perfection. We strive to recommend the very best things that are suggested by our community and are things we would do ourselves - our aim is to be the trusted friend to parents. This post originally appeared on The Joy of Cooking (for Little Assholes) here.At Kidadl we pride ourselves on offering families original ideas to make the most of time spent together at home or out and about, wherever you are in the world. They’re just “preschoolers with colorful fish tails.” Ummm, okay. To be fair, the Wikipedia entry for Bubble Guppies calls the main characters mer-people, but they are not referred to as such on the Nickelodeon site, or even on the press release. So I’ll continue to let my kids watch Bubble Guppies, and when they ask to go outside, I will sing the “Outside, everybody, outside” song while my eyelid twitches. And let’s face it, these guppy/mer-kids are WAY less annoying than Caillou. But the problem is that kids adore it, and the music is catchy and well-produced, and the lessons they teach are great. If this was a terrible, awful show, I think I could handle all of these rules being broken. And how the hell can you build a sand castle, which water generally disintegrates, underwater? Pardon me, I’ll just be in the corner, ramming the remote control further into my eye socket. And because the music itself is so goddamn catchy, it actually gets stuck in your brain. BUBBLE! Bubble! GUPPIES! Guppies! *clap clap* BUBBLE GUPPIES! No. They all sort of explain what’s going on, right? Now let’s review the Bubble Guppies theme, shall we? “Bubble bubble bubble. Think about The Jetsons, Scooby-Doo, The Flintsones, or even Dora the Explorer. Most cartoon theme songs are actually a bit descriptive of the show they’re for. The creative genius that is the opening theme. Do I need to say this? Do we have to be reminded? Clouds don’t exist underwater. They have a scene in the airplane where clouds are visible. I don’t even know what to say about this. Did I mention physics? Another episode is based entirely around airplanes. The saltwater of my tears could fill another ocean, at this point. You had to make your music so catchy, and employ basic, regularly used phrases like “What time is it?” so that any time anyone now asks this questions EVER, our response is, “It’s time for lunch!” Thanks. Fire safety is kind of redundant, under those circumstances. Can anyone else see what’s wrong with this picture? Guys. Listen, there’s an entire episode about fire safety on this show. And there would be no lobsters hanging out and doing things with the Bubble Guppies. Grouper is most definitely not their teacher. I know this because I had guppies in my freshwater aquarium for years. Guppies are freshwater fish, not ocean dwellers. We really don’t need to learn about farm animals in a show about guppies. But there are lots of cool things about the ocean that could be taught. I know this show wants to teach kids things. And have you seen what happens when you get a butterfly’s wings wet? They can’t ever fly again. Because chickens, cows, cats and EVERY OTHER LAND ANIMAL do not breathe water. Never mind the rest of the animals that get featured in the show that don’t belong underwater. My brain melts a little every time I see BubblePuppy. Someone really needs to explain to these guys that dogs don’t breathe water. You know, I would understand the mer-people thing, if they went for consistency and had human torsos/heads for ALL the fish and aquatic life in the show. The rest of the characters are regular talking animals. Are these supposed to be the guppies*? Or is that just their family name? Can someone please help me up? I’ve collapsed under the weight of this existential crisis. A show called “Bubble Guppies” has main characters who have fish tails, and human torsos, arms and heads. The main characters are not guppies, they’re mer-people.
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